Thank you Giacomo Once again…
A lengthy one. But worth a read. 🙂
Last friday I went through an hard experience for me: I had to decide to put to sleep my rabbit, Peggy.
Peggy was given me from a girlfriend seven years ago in really difficult part of my life me, and she was (the rabbit) a great fellow during this intense years of growth and self-awareness.
I never thought I could love so much an animal, and she always showed me her love back in her personal way. I did my best do make her living the best life for a rabbit in a small house, I feed her with healthy food, I let her live free by adapting the house and I gave her the best care possibles when she broke her leg.
I have a small recording studio in my house and she was the mascot, artists enjoyed her presence and she was curious too.
But ultimately she gave me a great lesson.
This last week she started to lose weight and forces, feeling sick, and I took her everyday to the veterinary, till the point we realized that there was nothing to do.
Even when the vet told me that I can think to put her to sleep, a part of me didn’t want to see that she was getting worst every day, hardly breathing and probably suffering a lot, and this part of me was procrastinating taking a decision, thinking to wait to see if she would get better in a couple of days, or let the nature do his thing.
Then I realized that I was just understandably scared to take a decision, but that decision was what life gave me that day, here and now, and so I chose to be present to all the discomfort, all the sadness, all the suffering, but in a way “enjoying” to fully living that moment, as I enjoyed her presence in her life.
Even if I strongly believe in “letting nature do his thing”, I decided to put her to sleep, I don’t pretend that you agree with this decision, It was hard for me too, but I felt that was the right decision, I mean “felt” because I took the decision more by feeling and body, rather than thinking, and I have no regret.
I stood with her all the time, comforting her, thanking her for all the time spent together, and even when the vet asked me if I want to wait outside, I chose to stay with her, smiling, holding her in my hands and keep comforting her.
It was hard, It was sad, but I felt sincere emotions of love and gratitude, and I felt stronger and prouder of my self, because I chose to fully live the moment, the emotion, accepting them as the were.
That evening I was attending a conference of a well known shaman, wheeled by curiosity and to decide if I to join the days after a seminar with him or not.
At a certain point he asked a woman with cancer to stand up and come to him, and he did on her a rite from his tradition.
It as been always hard for me to relate with human illness… I remember when years ago I lost a close relative who died by cancer, and in his last days I din’t felt strong enough to visit him, lying my self that he would feel better and then I would visit him.
But that evening at the conference, looking at that women I realized that the same love that made me connect with my animal and her pain, is that same love that connects me with other people, in health and illness, in joy and suffering, and I saw the woman with the same eyes I saw my rabbit some hours before, with the same compassion and love, wishing from the bottom of my heart to comfort her and thank her to contribute to the beauty of the world with her presence.
I was truly amazed by the lesson that life gave me through this little furry animal, through her I’ve been finally able connected with human illness as I could never before.
At the end of the conference, although the shaman gave me some nice points, I realized that his approach didn’t quite click with my feelings, so I decided not to join the seminar, even if I was excited the whole week to the idea of a seminar with him, and probably my expectations where a bit too high.
I went home tired but smiling fulfilled, for the great lessons that the day brought me, with the strong believe that the best seminar I could attend was just life itself.
What I’ve learned:
- I can trust my self in taking an hard decision, to cope discomfort, and to accept what the day brings to me. This are the best occasions to grow, I can truly see them as a gift.
- When I lose someone I love, to be thankful for the time spent together, rather than complain.
- To live pain as I would live love, with the same presence and awareness, they deserve the same acceptance. I believe that the more present I am in suffering and pain, the more I am present in love and joy.
- In suffering there is love too, so I keep smiling 🙂
- Life it self gives me all I need to know, is the best seminar, some times I find my self having high expectation in seminars, masters, books, that I must always do something, ecc… is cool, I’ll be always curious and willing to learn, I love that part of me, but every day life gives me the best lesson, I just need to be present.
- To accept and illness, agedness as a part of life, they are not negative, they just “are”, is the just judgement I put on them that makes me suffer.
- To give love. To be more and more connected with other people, I what to foster this every day.
Thank you, my little furry Master